When GOD Says "Akong Bahala"

It is hard to surrender. It took months before I finally had the courage to surrender to God. I never stopped praying. I was praying to God, but I was too scared to surrender. I never mentioned “Your will be done.” In my prayers, I would lift up everything to the Lord -- everything, including Glenn’s healing. But in between prayers I would cry. I was too scared. I was too scared to surrender him to God, thinking that surrendering would mean death. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I am not preparing to let him go.  I am preparing for his healing.

Slowly, God has taught me to trust Him. Since the incident, He never failed to show His love for me, for our family. I still remember that day at the Qatar Embassy in the Philippines when my visa was stamped. He used the guard and the staff to bless me. And from then on, there was not a day that I wasn’t blessed. But still, I was too scared. I was too consumed by our situation, I was fluctuating from trusting and fearing.

He never stopped calling me, though. He has always asked me to trust Him. And it just happened, after crying my heart out to Him on February 14, 2017,  I woke up with a light heart. There was this certainty that He will answer my prayers in time. My heart is confident that He is healing Glenn and that he will be healed. I just have to trust GOD with our family's future. I couldn't explain how and why, but I decided to embrace that feeling and stop analyzing.

Since then, I focused in our blessings and entrust to God those that are beyond my understanding and control. We are still struggling. I still feel pain, but all uncertainties I lift up to him.

The difference? When two children skin their knees, both of them will cry and feel the pain. But  the trusting one will believe that her mother's kiss will heal her knees while the scared one would believe that a train will come out of hers.


Today, let me share with you my experience last April 6, 2017. These are some of the countless blessings and evidences of God's love for us.

“I will praise You, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things You have done.”

Psalm 9.1

MORNING PRAYER

“I surrender this day to You Lord God. May all my desires, plans, and activities be according to Your will.”

HOW MY DAY WENT

The morning passed as usual. The time at the hospital flew very fast. With all of the things that happened, I did not notice the time until the catering staff brought in lunch.

While taking my lunch, I was thinking and praying that hopefully, the birth certificates of our kids be released earlier today, after lunch, so that I can still submit the documents at the Philippine Embassy within the day. That was 11:30 AM.

At 12:07 PM, as I brushed my teeth, my phone rang and Yes Lord, the birth certificates were already available and Kuya Boyet, the agent that helped me with the certificates, was on his way to deliver it. Thank You, Lord.

I kissed Glenn's forehead, endorsed him to his Nurse, and rushed to the lobby with all my stuff. I intend to go straight to the Embassy once I receive the documents. While talking to Kuya Boyet, I remembered I didn’t have the updated medical certificate yet, so I went upstairs to Ms. Alma to get the signed medical report.

When I reached her office door, it was closed. I looked at my watch – 12:30 PM. Only then I thought that it was probably lunch time. Someone in the hallway noticed me standing in front of the door and told me, “Maybe just 5 minutes.”

I said, “Thank you.”  Then I uttered “Lord, please...” and took my phone to send her a message.  I wasn’t done with the message yet when Ms.  Alma came out to get water. Thank You, Lord.

After a few minutes, she gave me the updated medical record and told me that they are already communicating with TMC Hospital.  She told me “AKO NA ANG BAHALA. I-C-Cc kita.” (I will take care of this. I’ll furnish you a copy.) Thank You, Lord.

Then I went straight to the Philippine Embassy for the stamping of the affidavit together with all of the attachments. I reached there at past 1:00 PM. The staff at the processing desk told me that she will verify first if they still need to stamp the documents individually. When she came back, she told me that the Vice-Consul said that it is ok. They will stamp each of the four documents, and that I don’t need to pay anything. She instructed me to just wait at the releasing area for my name to be called. Thank You, Lord.

After receiving the stamped documents, I called Kuya Boyet and asked for the directions on how to go to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He gave me instructions and said that the office will resume at 3:00 PM. At 2:55 PM, I am already inside a car lift on the way to Najma. Thank You, Lord.

I reached the Government Services Office in Najma at 3:30 PM. I lined up the queue and the staff at the releasing of numbers actually freaked out when he saw me. I did not understand what he told me but I’m sure it’s something close to “Why are you here? What are you doing here? Guard! Guard!  Why is she here?” He gave me a number anyway. Thank You, Lord.

When the guard came rushing in, I initially thought he would escort me outside the building. I held on my number tightly as he guided me to the FEMALE WAITING AREA.  Only then, that I realized why the staff freaked out: I LINED UP AT THE MALE AREA. “I’m sorry, Brother, my sincerest apology.”

At 3:40 PM, I was already in the queue at the female waiting area. Thank You, Lord.

By 3:54 PM, I was done with the stamping. Before paying, the staff told me, “We don’t accept cash here, only card.  Ask someone to help you.”  And there she was Lord, your help. I asked her if she can pay for me using her card and that  I’ll  just give her my payment. She gladly helped. Thank You, Lord.

When I came out of the building to go back to the hospital, I stayed in the shade for a while and decided to observe someone who is also about to go. I still didn’t know where is the proper loading site. After 5 minutes of observing, he didn’t have a taxi yet, I decided to walk to the street in front, and as I reach the edge of the pavement,  there it was, a car lift dropping off a Kabayan, Filipino, at MOFA. The Kabayan driver saw me and asked if I need a ride. What else can I say?

Thank You, Lord.

Thank You for sending so many people today to help me accomplish my task for the day. Thank You that when I came back in the hospital, at 4:30 PM Glenn was still sleeping. And still,

Thank You for sending so many good people in our life as tangible evidence of Your love.

And truly, when You say, 

“HUWAG KANG MAG-ALALA, AKONG BAHALA.*”  

You really mean

 “AKONG BAHALA!**” 

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole Earth, in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”

-2 Chronicles 16:9

*Huwag kang mag-alala. Ako ang bahala. – Don’t worry, I will take care of everything. 

**Ako ang bahala – I will take care of everything; I will take charge; I’m on this