An Open Letter to My Five Year Old Daughter

Dear Ate Cassey,

I know things are hard now.

For more almost seven months, you and your younger sister had to get by your days without Mommy and Daddy. The radical change in our life -- Daddy’s sudden critical health condition and Mommy leaving to take care of Daddy -- almost consumed your happy heart.

For the first few months, you and your sister have cried yourselves to sleep. Mommy cried many sleepless nights too.

 On our first Christmas away from each other, you got sick. You were vomiting and throwing up all that you took in-- even water. We thought you had another infection but thank God your lab results were normal. You got better after Mama and Titaw talked to you. You did not know what you were feeling. We did not know either. It was only after counseling that we realized that you were so sad. And that was your body’s reaction to sadness.

Your younger sister is sad, too. She is just two and could not understand her feelings. Our sweet baby started whining and shouting. She started throwing tantrums if she can’t get what she wants or if someone did not understand what she wants. If only Mommy was there, a hug would have made everything better.

Things are hard but you are born fighters.

I thank God that you and your younger sister are blessed with resilient hearts. That even if you cry at night, you were able to survive every day with grace and a smile. At a very young age, you are fighters of your own battle.

I am proud that despite Mommy and Daddy’s absence, you still went to school and performed well. You could have made excuses or just cried but you knew that you must get up every day and read and write even if Mommy is not there to drop you to school and Daddy’s not there to fetch you. This experience has taught you a very important lesson. You learned how to compartmentalize your feelings and how to get things done even if you are hurting—even if a great part of your heart is missing.  

Mommy is so happy that even though you fight sometimes, your love for your sister and sense of responsibility as big sister deepened.

Whatever happens in the future, know that you and your sister are one of the reasons why Daddy keeps on fighting… why Mommy is not giving in. Next to God, you are our strength.

Remember that Daddy loves you. That he did everything he can for you.

Remember your happy times together. How you grew up with him through Skype. How he watched every milestone away from you because he wanted to provide the best for you. How he tried to teach you how to ride a bike and how to swim.  How he taught you to respect and obey Mommy while keeping you beside him whenever I am mad. He never wanted you to get hurt but he made sure that you understand why some things upset Mommy and why should you avoid doing those things again.

Remember how you ate with daddy. How he fed you when you didn’t want to eat on your own.  How you would always give a bite to him of whatever you were eating. Remember how he would always let you buy ice cream when he fetched you from school. Remember how you felt the first time you entered an ice cream house and how we always ate there during daddy’s vacation since then. 

Always remember that you are Daddy’s princesses. You will still have your tea party when Daddy gets better. Remember how he read you stories before we go to sleep. Soon it will be your turn to read stories for Daddy.

Do not forget daddy’s last vacation when you were four. We went to Subic where you swam and you watched Godzilla with Daddy. He was so happy. He told me he likes Godzilla because you were squeezing yourself to him and hiding in his arms every time Godzilla attacked in the movie. It is the very same reason why you like watching such movies and dinosaurs. It’s the reason why you have an inclination for these creatures.

Do not forget the details, Anak.  Always share your stories with your younger sister so that she will know Daddy like you do. Do not forget your memories together, because what Daddy cannot remember, we will retell.

We are coming home.

Daddy will be a little different. We will take care of him. What he cannot reach, we will get for him. What he cannot see, we will describe and illustrate to him. What he cannot do by himself, we will help him. Where he cannot go, we will try to take him. We will teach him of things he has forgotten. We will reintroduce ourselves to him. Mommy believes that what the mind forgets the heart remembers. For sure Daddy’s heart will recognize you—both of you. After all, you are his princesses. Mommy is certain that he recognizes your voice every time you call. You are his strength. He is fighting because he wants to come back to both of you.

Do not worry. 

By God’s grace and with His guidance, Mommy will always be here for all of you. Mommy will guide you and love you. Mommy will be here for Daddy, too. Mommy will teach and show you and your younger sister how to love and take care of Daddy unconditionally. Whenever you are uncertain, Mommy will be here to hug you and to comfort you. To tell you that it will be ok… that we will all be fine.

We are still in the toughest battle of our lifetime.

It is hard but the LORD OUR GOD will sustain us. He has been sustaining us. He will guide all of us as we get through this journey together. We will be patient and wait until GOD leads Daddy back to us.  Until then, Daddy will be our baby.  We will love him, take care of him, and protect him like he did to you and to your sister… like he did to us.

“Let us all be confident that we will see God’s goodness while we are in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

Psalm 27:13-14

Love,

Mommy

PS.

I thank God for you and your sister, for Daddy’s life, for the people who are taking care of you, for Mommy’s strength, and for the people who are helping us. To God be the glory.